I Can’t Get No [Conference] Satisfaction

Image by James Livingston.

I can’t get no conference satisfaction,
I can’t get no conference satisfaction,
‘Cause I try and I try and I try and I try.
I can’t get no, I can’t get no.

When I’m sittin’ in your session
and a man comes on the stage
he’s tellin’ me more and more
about some useless information
supposed to fire my imagination.
I can’t get no, oh no no no.
Hey hey hey, that’s what I say.

I can’t get no conference satisfaction,
I can’t get no conference satisfaction,
‘Cause I pay and I pay and I pay and I pay.
I can’t get no, I can’t get no.

When I’m watchin’ your conference YouTube
and a woman comes on to tell me
how great your conference is.
Well she can’t be a of right mind because
she’s just the conference chair.
I can’t get no, oh no no no.
Hey hey hey, that’s what I say.

I can’t get no conference satisfaction,
I can’t get no conference satisfaction,
‘Cause I pay and I pay and I pay and I pay.
I can’t get no, I can’t get no.

When I’m on your conference website
and I’m clickin’ this and I’m clickin’ that
and I’m tryin’ to register my staff
but your site is stuck loopin’ back
’cause you see you’re on losing streak.
I can’t get no, oh no no no.
Hey hey hey, that’s what I say.

I can’t get no, I can’t get no,
I can’t get no conference satisfaction,
no conference satisfaction, no conference satisfaction, no conference satisfaction.

With apologies to original Satisfaction songwriters Mick Jagger and Keith Richards.

So what causes you to be a dissatisfied conference attendee? Why can’t you get no conference satisfaction?

Comments

  1. says

    OK Jeff, the next time you and I attend the same event, let’s go out to a karaoke bar (Jenise Fryatt knows all the good ones) and belt out your lyrics together. Hilarious!

  2. says

    Would love to see you on the guitar hero / karaoke stage and just let you JAM!!!!!

    “I can’t get no… satisfaction” when…

    1. There is no tangible, meaningful takeaway (and I am not talking about a slide deck). I mean something educational the presenter can provide that I can read or reference.

    2. The presenter bores me into a deep slumber by not knowing how to get me involved as a participant. I want my brain ticking with ideas when I leave. Hint: slide reading doesn’t cut it.

    3. There are so many good concurrent sessions. I can’t be everywhere.

    4. When wifi is crappy!

    5. When there is no time or opportunities to effectively network. Give me an online event community or provide on-site opptys or discussion groups.

    • Jeff Hurt says

      @Adrain
      Looks like a lot of #eventprofs have a similar idea about a karaoke night and singing this song. I’m not much of a singer but am always up for great experiences. Thanks for reading and commenting.

      @Sylvia
      Thanks for reading. It’s always a good thing to start the day with a smile.

      @Stephen
      H-m-m…speakers/bloggers singing their content is crazy…sounds like you have some experience with that one! ;) (Note to readers: Stephen sang on stage at Experient’s 2009 e4 conference as part of his presentation!)

      @Chris
      Jamin’ it is! Here’s a little know fact about me…In college, I spent four months traveling as a roadie for a band through Kansas, Oklahoma, Texas and Louisana. I was their sound tech, AV guy and driver. Learned a lot.

      Also, love your five challenges with conferences and events that cause dissatisfaction!

      @Nick
      Thanks for reading. And reading the comments too. Greatly appreciate it.

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