If Dr. Evil Were A Meeting Professional

Dr. Evil, a mastermind criminal cryogenically frozen in 1967 and reawakened in 1997, has challenges adapting to a new society, culture and rapid pace of change.

This Austin Powers movie character is a great metaphor for many meeting professionals today. Dr. Evil frequently hatches new plans for world domination. Unfortunately, his plans are often just a reworking of archaic methods and frequently a carbon copy of other average villains’ obsolete strategies.

Similarly, conference organizers are scrambling to adjust to sophisticated attendee expectations of a great experience and active engagement, new media marketing methods, new technologies and a mobile environment. It’s as if the world moved ahead thirty years and left conference organizers cryogenically stuck in the past.

Top Dr. Evil Quotes As A Meeting Professional

What if Dr. Evil were actually a meeting professional today? Imagine the conversation he might have with conference attendees, staff and other stakeholders.

Here are seight Dr. Evil quotes explained as if he were a meeting professional today.

1. Shhh!

Attendees, please enter each conference education session quietly. Do not talk to others. Do not use your mobile devices. Be still and quiet as we are trying to control your mind, brainwash you that we are delivering ROI and indoctrinate you.

2. Why make trillions when we can make billions?

Conferences are not really a business so we should lower our revenue expectations. Actually, we need to take the easiest route and do the least amount of work possible. We really should focus on coercive persuasion, propaganda and mind control.

3. Why must I be surrounded by frickin’ idiots?

Don’t our attendees understand? They pay to be dominated. They are not to use their minds because then they act out and look like frickin’ idiots.

4. Throw me a frickin’ bone here!

Come on speakers. You need to throw me and your audience at least one frickin’ bone. One is all you need because the attendees always say, “If I can get just one takeaway, I’m happy.” Let’s make sure to give them at least one takeaway.

5. It’s frickin’ freezing in here Mr. Bigglesworth.

Yes, we keep our conference rooms cold. That way you are uncomfortable and focused on getting warm instead of the fact that we are brainwashing you. The colder you are, the less you’ll think and the more you’ll let us rule you.

6. You mean I finally have frickin’ sharks with frickin’ laser beams attached to their frickin’ heads?

Yes, we are finally going to step into the 20th Century and use overhead projectors that beam images to screens for everyone to see. You see, we are the future of conferences and meetings.

7. You’re the best evil son and evil dad could ever ask for.

Congratulations award winner! You are just as evil as I am! Thank you for spreading the good news of Dr. Evil!

8. Talk to the hand, ’cause the face don’t wanna hear it anymore.

I planned this conference for you. I worked hard for many days and nights. It is all about you so don’t you dare tell me that you have a challenge. You will do as I say!

What are some other things Dr. Evil would say if he were a meeting professional today? Why are so many meeting professionals destined only to repeat their past ?